A lack of trust can doom a perfectly good relationship to failure. Still, if you have good reasons for suspecting that your girlfriend is cheating on you, then the sooner you know, the better. If you want to know if she's really being unfaithful, just follow these steps to find out.
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Part One of Three:
Noticing What She Does
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1See if she starts caring a lot more about her appearance. If your girlfriend's wardrobe has suddenly tripled over the last two months, but you've barely been out on a date, then she may dressing up for someone other than you. It could be a coworker, a classmate, or just about anyone else in her life. And if she's suddenly putting a lot more time into her hair and makeup when she says she's just headed to the grocery store or to grab coffee with a friend, then something may be up.
- If she's suddenly spent more time at the gym and is much more interested in getting in shape, she may be doing it for another guy.
- Just to be clear -- she may also just start caring about her appearance because she wants to look nicer and be more in shape. But this point, coupled with others, can be a sign of cheating.
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2See if she withdraws from your family. She might have loved going to your aunt's monthly barbecues, but when the last three rolled around, she was suddenly booked. Maybe she went shopping with your kid sister all the time before, but they haven't spoken in weeks. And as for hanging out with your parents? She might have been friendly and outgoing before, but when she's with them, she's suddenly quiet or just looks ready to leave.
- If she's cheating, then seeing your family will be a reminder of her disloyalty, and she'll naturally want to avoid them.
- If she starts withdrawing from your family, it may also just be a sign that she's ready to end the relationship, whether she's cheating or not.
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3See if she withdraws from your friends. The same goes for your friends -- though she might have previously loved group trips to the beach or to trivia night with your friends, if she suddenly never wants to hang out with them, then it may be because she's trying to extricate herself from you. If she's cheating on you, then she may feel like she doesn't deserve to be in your social circle, or she doesn't want a reminder of how much fun you used to have before things went sour.
- If this becomes really obvious, don't be afraid to ask her why. She could have another explanation for why she doesn't want to spend time with your friends.
- And when she does hang out with you and your friends and their behavior seems to change and they act all uncomfortable around her, then they may know something that you don't. This is a classic sign that your girlfriend is cheating on you and you are the last to know.
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4See if she withdraws from sex. While cheating men are more likely to have sex even more with their cheating partner, it's less likely for a cheating woman to react the same way. If she's getting some love somewhere else, then she may feel guilty, or just plain not interested, in sleeping with you. If you previously had a pretty good sex routine going, and now she's been "too tired" or "not feeling well" the last ten times you tried to make something happen, it could be a sign that she's getting satisfied elsewhere.
- If she's cheating on you, she'll also be less open with her body. She won't want you to see her undress, and she'll be more likely to cover up in bed.
- Of course, her not wanting to have sex could just be a sign of her general dissatisfaction with the relationship, or just her unhappiness in her own life. Still, if she's flirty and fun when when she leaves the house, and completely withdrawn with you, it's a problem.
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5See if she stops paying attention to you at all. What's worse than a girlfriend who constantly nags you? One who doesn't care about you at all. Once her interest completely fades, you'll be wishing she was still complaining that you never do the dishes. If she has stopped paying attention to you, asking about how work or school is going, or even noting important events in your life, then she has checked out, either because she's seeing someone else or she's just not into you any more.
- Once this happens, it's time to get some answers. There's no point in continuing on if she truly seems to have stopped caring.
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6See if she's suddenly too busy to hang out with you. Were Sundays your brunch and cuddling days, and now she's nowhere to be found on the weekends? Did you watch your favorite TV show together every Tuesday, and now see that she's MIA on those nights? Does she not even apologize or notice that you're no longer doing your usual things together? If she's suddenly slammed at work, and spending a lot more time with friends, and spending a lot more time at the gym, then this may be a sign that another man is really eating up her time.
- Notice how she acts when she steps out of the house to "go meet friends." Does she look extra sexy, hum to herself, or just act unnaturally giddy? If so, it may be because she's meeting a special someone.
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7See if she gets more secretive around her phone and computer. Previously, she showed you her computer to point out a funny article or asked you to check her texts for her and always left her phone out in the open. Now, she shuts her laptop any time you come into the room, never sends text messages in front of you, and even added a password to her phone -- or even her computer. If she wasn't previously private and has changed her tune, then she must not want you to see who she's been chatting with.
- If you're really feeling bold and catch her texting, you can casually ask her who she's talking to. See how she reacts. Is she jumpy and defensive, or does she give a quick and honest-sounding answer?
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8See if she goes MIA for hours without explanation. This is one of the biggest red flags that your woman is being unfaithful. If you call her or text her and hear nothing back for several hours, then you may have a problem. If it happens once or twice, fine. But if it's happened multiple times a week and she always said her phone died or that she didn't hear the ring, your guard should be up.
- When she's MIA for a few hours, casually ask her what she's been up to. Try to read her face: does she deflect you and look embarrassed?
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- Tom General [CEO]
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